


booboo the fool

by missdulcerosea



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, Mild Language, WHY AM I WRITING THIS AT 12 AM, all of the megucas go absolutely feral, madosaya if you squint, me @ myself: forget everything you're writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-18 16:13:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21530278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missdulcerosea/pseuds/missdulcerosea
Summary: Well, something's wrong with Homura, Madoka and Sayaka are being rather ambiguously gay, Mami's adopted a clown, and Kyoko is hungry as usual. In short, it's just another day for your resident magical girl Nagisa Momoe.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	booboo the fool

**Author's Note:**

> i usually don't write stuff with this much profanity but i had to. i HAD to. i wanted to write something intensely stupid. dont take this seriously. please dont.

I'm here to say that Homura Akemi is an absolute bitch-ass motherfucker.

Well, Kyuubey is, too. I mean, he's basically tricking middle school girls into kicking witch-ass in mildly inappropriate outfits only to turn the tables on them and run over what little self-esteem and energy they had left with a tractor and then a tank, turning them into witches. But Homura, man. Homura _fucking_ Akemi.

Whoops. Mami says I shouldn't curse but fuck listening to Mami because this bitch has got herself stuck in a labyrinth. In a witch's labyrinth you may or may not have to toss common sense out the window, go "Screw this crap", and whip out the big guns - whether that's figurative or not's kinda up to the meguca schmuck who happened to get herself stuck in here.

But anyways, getting off topic. Let me introduce myself - hi! My name is Nagisa Dark'ness Dementia Raven Momoe. It isn't. Kyoko told me what My Immortal is, so I think I'm entitled to drop in an obligatory pop culture reference for the giggles.

I'm pretty sure you're wondering how I got here and honestly I'm not sure about that. Listen, I'm ten and have the memory and attention span of a walnut. When you live the meguca life you gotta share a single brain cell, and unfortunately no one ever passes that brain cell down to me. Boo hoo, I know.

So, Homura. Bitch-ass motherfucker, yada yada yada... You get the jig. And if you're wondering why she's a bitch-ass motherfucker? Well, she tried to strangle me when I was in my weird-ass, pseudo witch sock monkey form. Apparently in one of my nine past lives or so I'd become a witch because of fucking _cheesecake_. CHEESECAKE! I mean, yeah, the way to a person's heart is through their stomach, but really? CHEESECAKE?! Come on.

And apparently, our friend - and I use that term EXTREMELY loosely - Homura got herself trapped in an isolation-chamber thingy. I dunno. Mami's not here to help me write. Apparently a world or two before the local meguca goddess Madoka changed it all we had witches. I was one of said witches. And Homura thought little old me'd gotten everyone stuck in this diabetes-inducing totally _not_ one-big-Sailor-Moon-shout-out dream world of an isolation chamber and wanted out.

She haaaad to fuck everything up. The girl had life easy there! She had all her friends, she was able to be a magical girl minus consequences, the whole kill witches get bitches thing applied, AND because she's stuck in an isolation chamber never has to pay for cheesecake! Sounds like you're living the dream, right? But nooooo. This bitch had to fuck up everything by deciding she wanted out because of the sake of Madoka or something, and went absolutely crazy. Feral, I tell you! And there were just weird-ass minions everywhere that looked like nutcrackers and teeth and Homura was crying blood... it was one hell of an afternoon. Not how I expected my post Law-of-Cycles life to go, but you know what? Here we are. You just gotta grin and bear it. 

Apparently the Incubators are smart. But were they smart enough to realize that the megucas knew damn well how they were gonna help our dear Hameru out? HELL no! They did not, they did not, they did not. I and the other five megucas were able to kick their asses to bring Homura back. Madoka and her sword fueled by her undying love for the ladies, Kyoko and Sayaka and their rather homoerotic tension, Mami and her general all-around badassery and me with... uhh, I dunno. Bubbles, I guess.

And again: You'd think it'd end there and Homura'd be okay, right? That's what ought to have happened. But noooo! Homura decided to be a bitch-ass motherfucker. She just decided "okay you know what, fuck EVERYTHING, I am going to shit on all of your metaphorical graves", somehow split Madoka from her goddess self - my bet is on the power of pure lesbianism, but I'm making a pretty wild guess here - rewrite the universe, and go full on demon mode. I gotta say, nice demon outfit. Swan Lake-y.

Kyuubey's still a bitch ass motherfucker, but not as smug because Homura taught him a lesson or two. Homura's worse, though. And you know what else she did? She fucked up our memories so we wouldn't remember she changed everything! She did! The Law of Cycles is falling apart, Sayaka's brainwashed, and worst of all she forgot to write Toy Story 3 and Mindless Self Indulgence back into the universe! What a total loser.

But yeah. That's sorta my life up to this point. I guess I had what some might call a bad day, but you know what? It's gonna get worse. To quote a meme, "I have already brought my pickaxe, and I'm ready to dig."

This has been Nagisa Momoe, time to heelie the fuck out of this place. Buh-bye.


End file.
